Wow so I know it has been such a long time since I have written in this thing. Ive had this thing for 1386 days. Crazyyy. Its funny how easy facebook and myspace take over everythinggggg. Life can get pretty crazy sometimes and as of right now mine is pretty much that. I hate getting all emo but its just so bad right now. I feel like everything I once had that was good in life is gone. Well maybe not everything, but a lot of the important things. Don't get me wrong...College is fun...and I love the girls there and im excited to go back. I miss having that closeness with eachother. And also, I have some great new friends, and the MAE concert is coming up which I am also excited about. But other things are just seeming to fall apart. My sister for one. I do not like her at all. Im sure things will get better eventually, but for now, all I can do is be civil with her when shes around. I just really dislike her so much and everyone tells me im just like and honestly that scares me because I know what she is like. Hopefully that will change or has changed already. I no longer have the security of a boyfriend in my life. Not that that issue was necessarily my fault. All the fighting and all the lies, it just catches up. It's just, how do you live your life without that person who has been in your life for the past 10 months. I lost the closest person to me in my life. How do you suddenly stop all contact with him? I hate knowing that it is over between us but at the same time its for the better...right? I guess thats why they say relationships can be difficult...especially when they come to an end. Everyone has to cope one way or another. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad. It just gets to the point where I dont even know what to do anymore. And everyone is telling me what to do but should I listen? Do I listen?  Geeez why can't it just be August 27th so school will fulfill my time and I wont think about this stuff anymore. I have too much free time...even though I work 9-5 on the weekdays...I still need to keep myself occupied. Maybe thats my problem? Im not too sure. I know one thing at least and thats that I am not ready for another relationship. At allllllllll. Im not gonna lie...I went on a date the other night and it was horrible. It felt like I was cheating on Andrew. I hate myself for doing that. I just don't like that feeling at all. I guess I cant expect those feelings to go away just like that though. And I question myself if I even want them to. A part of me knows better...but the other part of me still questions.  I know I hurt him...but it doesn't even add up to the pain he has caused me. Im sure he doesn't feel this way at all, but he has no idea what im feeling or what I have felt. I guess everyone saw it though. I always told myself I would never be one of those girls...Like LC on laguna beach or Jessica for that matter (yeah sorry to bring some laguna in but its all i can think of right now) but you know...one of those girls who doesn't listen to her friends even though she knows they are right. Yeah. I became one of THEM. ahhh. I just want things to go back to normal...but I know thats not possible. It feels like i've spent my entire summer in a constant battle, and I hate that. I am in such an emo mood blaaah. Another thing right now that is extrememly bad is my relationship with my best friend. I just don't understand why she had to tell the world my life story. It feels like I can never keep anything between us. She has to tell my sisters her friends...everyoneeeeeeeee....even andrew. I just don't understand. I know I hid some things from her...but even if I tried to explain why, she wouldn't understand. If anyone is like my sister...it is probably her. Which is a bad thing...but no matter what she is my best friend...and she has always been there for me. I don't let her know that a lot but she has been. I am sorry for that night down the shore. I guess just everything came out at once and I just didn't understand her way of thinking. Hopefully she'll forgive me because I miss her a lot...oh mannn. If I wasn't in work right now im sure I would be crying. I guess thats all I have to say for now. I can fake the smiles.....but its all the same after a while. 

I hope time heals pain...

I just wish it moved faster sometimes...

"It's So close, but we're so far away."

When it hurts to look back, and you are too scared to look ahead, you can look beside you, your best friends will be there. -yeah I stole that from caitlin but I liked it.

<33 Jess

So I guess I pretty much forgot about xanga. I always knew it would happen. College would happen. Boys would happen. And I am not complaining at all when I say that because I know I have the best thing going for me right now and I wouldn't change it for anything. This semester sucks. Already.  At least it is going fast. 9 Classes is quite a bitch I must admit. It's Valentines dayyyy. How cute. Im sure if I didnt have a boyfriend right now I would resent this day, but since I do...im not gonna lie...I enjoy it. I dont really feel like typing anything else. I know boooo. oh well. maybe next month or something.

<3333333333333

Thanksgiving break went by too fast. At least I thought so. I miss it already. I hate schoooooooool. SO much. I have so many finals and tests in the next three weeks. mmmm not fun. I can not wait until Christmas break.

I <3 Thanksgiving Break. And all the people I got to see and spend time with.

We Made gingerbread houses.

Amazinggggggg

Devon Me and Taylor at Thanksgiving

T.J. and his puppy

Everyone talking Joeeeee

Tara and Baby Syddd ...how cute.

The Fam at dinner.

Haha gotta love this kid.

The fact that I got to see everyone was also amazing...

Me and Britt at her house

haha real cute taryn

Ohhh the boyf

Britt Me and Taryn at Bowlingggg

I <3 silly faces

Matt Murphyyyyyyy

Aww cute

Bitt and I

I really missed these two.

Mmmm real hot.

Classic

The cute couple

But we are cuterrrrrrrr. <3 the boyf.

For being November right now, its so beautiful out. Flip Flop weather in fact. I love that. Especially since last week was practically glove and scarf weather. My birthday is in one week. Mmmm I can't wait. This past weekend was also amazing I might add.  Friday....mmm it didn't exactly start off as I would have liked, but it turned out to be excellent. Andrew came and picked me up at school. Went to the diner. Wasn't my favorite diner ever but it was decent. The Eagle is still the best. At least to me. Saturdayyyy. Was the best day of the weekend. For many reasons. haha. Andrew came and picked me up again and went to the park for a picnic. And I will totally give him the credit since he packed the entire thing, which was so nice. I loved it. Oh man. I love that kid. Seriously. I never would of thought in a million years I would be as happy as I am with him. And I know thats corny, but its so true. Saturday was nothing short but amazing. Even Saturday night. mmmmmmmm. Then Sunday. I actually did a lot. Came home, did some laundry, went food shopping for my mom, and even washed my car (despite the fact that it rained yesterday boooooooo) but yes. Then we had a family dinner. I still love those. Andrew came over and even though I despise Sundays because it's the end of the weekend and the goodbye day, it was still good. I hate how the weekends go by so fast. I need a week off. At least its almost Thanksgiving. I can not wait. Spend a whole week with the boyf. Everyone comes home. Family dinners. Mmmmmmmmm. yes.

And now im done for the day. I dont really know what else to do. Maybe i'll study....probably not. I'ts too nice out. Maybe i'll take a nap. I do that a lot. Maybe too much. Ha. But, I would be lost with out them. I guesss thats it with my rambling. Havn't done that in a while. It's probably boring too, so i'll give you credit if you actually read it.

Surah85 (9:22:13 PM): whats wrong with the world mama people livin like that aint got no mamas i think the whole worlds addicted to the drama on attracting to things that will bring ya trauma overseas yeah we tryin to stop terrorism but we still got terrorism here living here in the usa the big CIA
Surah85 (9:22:16 PM): people killing
Surah85 (9:22:19 PM): people dying
Surah85 (9:22:26 PM): children hurtin
Surah85 (9:22:28 PM): u hear them cryin
The heSs82 (9:22:34 PM): can you practice what you preach
Surah85 (9:22:41 PM): or would u turn the other cheek
The heSs82 (9:22:44 PM): father father father help usssss
The heSs82 (9:22:48 PM): send some guidance from above
Surah85 (9:23:07 PM): cause people got me quetion where is the LOVEEEEEEE
The heSs82 (9:23:16 PM): THE LOoooooooooooooove
Surah85 (9:23:22 PM): haha we still got it!
The heSs82 (9:23:29 PM): lol hell yeah we do!

haha oh how i missed that.